We live in a world of widgets. People manufacture, distribute, and sell them. You name it, theyre doing it. I have a friend who is a toilet paper salesman. God bless him. Its an honorable job and my butt and I give him a two ply thumbs up thank you butt its not something I, personally, could ever do-do.

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I have a friend who told me once that the litmus test for taking a job is if you meet a girl and youre embarrassed to tell her what you do for a living then you probably shouldnt be doing it.

Let me tell you about a career choice I was never embarrassed to tell girls about, the Marines. Make no mistake. The Marines are a business. We manufacture the worlds finest fighting force, and distribute them worldwide to sell Democracy. If we have to, well kick their you know what, provide toilet paper to wipe their butts, and not even take their names because we wouldnt even know how to pronounce them.

The enemy usually needs toilet paper when we get through with them because when they see the Marines land we usually scare the crap out of them. What can I say? War stinks!

Theres a lot of things Marines do that stink. We dont like it and complain that its not what we signed up to do.

We joined the military to see the world but all we end up seeing is bad weather and bad attitudes. So we say, If I wanted to deal with this merde Id have taken a summer vacation in hell or a winter vacation in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />France. The Germans spanked them, we had to save their butts, and now theyre little ungrateful terds.

Id love to see a recruiter now. Youll get to travel the world. Lets see, where I could have gone in the last ten years, Somalia, Afghanistan, Bosnia, and Baghdad. Wow, can you throw in a free trip to Liberia?

Its hard to tell a service member that the grass is never greener on the other side because the places are young men and women go usually dont have grass but war has some positives. For instance, it educates the American people. If you asked most Americans what the capital of South Dakota was theyd say, I dont know. If you asked them the capital of Afghanistan theyd say, Thats easy, Kabul.

They also learn geometry too, hello Sunni Triangle. The only problem is in a few years they might make the mistake of trying to book a vacation to the Sunny Triangle because they heard it was, to use the parlance of our times, The bomb.

Marines actually have to go to these sewer holes. They have to live there and survive and it is no joke to them or their families but they love it. I used to get a kick out of Marines who said, This is the hardest job in the world. You never sleep and when you do its in the dirt; you get to go hiking, with a 100 pound rucksack on your back, and you get paid to visit areas of the world youd never pay money to go on vacation to see, but its the greatest job in the world. Youll love it.

Make no mistake, Marines love their jobs and as you probably know, are The Few, The Proud. Marines are prouder then game roosters and meaner then cocks. If the Marines made toilet paper it would be two ply steal plates in order to cover their butts when they use the head.

Being is a Marine is a dirty job but the best part of it is that we dont take crap from anyone. Every young man and woman should do a stint. If youre interested, go down to your local recruiter and put your signature on a piece of paper, preferably one ply.

Michael P. Westhead is the founder of www.cutthroatcomedy.com which features original quotes, jokes, cartoons, products, and articles focusing on politics, current events and life in general.