Voltaire said, God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh. Translated, if youre a tight ass, theres a two drink minimum to read this article.

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A is for Anti-Virus: she got it from my Uncle.

B is for Backup: always look in your rear view mirror first.

C is for Caddy: part of computer that holds a coffee cup.

D is for Defrag: a popular dance in the 1920's.

E is for Email: post office talk for express mail.

F is for Folder: before I pack a dress, I fold er.

G is for Game Port: cruise ships dock there to play.

H is for Hard Drive: going from Toronto to Florida by car.

I is for Internet: a basketball has to get inter net to score.

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Joseph Yakel was born and raised in New York's Capital region, and calls this place home. His travels have taken him far and wide, but its his hometown surroundings that serve as a backdrop for his writing. He's recently published three books, and thinks his blend of history and humor shine a bright spotlight on the local area and its people.

Don't you just love getting a little something extra? Sure you do. Everybody does. That's why Online marketers throw in 36 bonus ebooks with that little software item they are peddling.

But a little something extra is not always a good thing.

Flash back a few weeks. I was assembling a dresser for my daughter. One by one, I pulled the wood panels from the box. I pulled out a bag of bits and pieces, which was attached to another, which was attached to another, which was attached to another.

Imagine my surprise when I went to Jamaica a few years ago and learned that I do, indeed, have an accent. You see, unlike my paternal grandmother, I don't stretch the word "cornbread" into four syllables. She might say, "Here. Have ye some co-orn-bray-ed;" whereas I might say, "You want some corn-bread?" See? Two syllables on the cornbread; "you" rather than "ye."

One of the best parts of a vacation is the positive outlook you derive from pleasant anticipation. Another benefit is the afterglow, allowing you to feel right with the world. A general guideline I have is to live in the present and not yearn too heavily for the past or future; but making brief exceptions for things like vacations can bring some of the benefits of the vacation itself to your daily life. Thinking briefly Yeah that was great! or I am really going to enjoy this trip!

We live in a world of widgets. People manufacture, distribute, and sell them. You name it, theyre doing it. I have a friend who is a toilet paper salesman. God bless him. Its an honorable job and my butt and I give him a two ply thumbs up thank you butt its not

A few weeks ago I went to see a psychiatrist.

We talked about how I was feeling. I really wanted to hit him in the face when he asked that. I didnt do that. I regret that now. No, I replied politely and asked him if he thought I came there because he is such a nice guy, and the chairs are really comfortable. He didnt say anything to that. He just smiled and I smiled back.

I shouldnt have done that

Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident of the Alaska Zoo since 1983. The Zoo recently decided that Maggie needs nicer quarters, more attention, and a treadmill. She weighs 9,100 pounds and does not get enough exercise, especially during the long Alaskan winter months.